USA Tries Negotiating Tactic with N. Korea

(AP) Washington, D.C. –

In a brilliant strategic move, US military planners may have ceased North Korea’s nuclear weapons production without the use of military force. Christopher Hill, chief-negotiator for the United States in Pyongyang, used the famous, but oft forgotten, method of reverse psychology to get North Korea to essentially abandon their pursuit of developing nuclear weapons.

“I actually got the idea from a Bugs Bunny cartoon.” Hill said in a press conference late last night. “Bugs Bunny was arguing with Daffy Duck over whether or not it was ‘Duck Season’ or ‘Rabbit Season,’ respectfully. They argued until they reached an impasse, then Bugs switched his stance and endorsed Daffy’s idea that it was in fact ‘Rabbit Season’ and it worked out in the rabbit’s favor, so I thought why not?”

In a closed session with several North Korean military leaders, Hill said that the arguments were getting extremely heated. The following is an English transcript of the talks between himself and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il.

Hill: The United States will not tolerate any further movement by your military to develop and test nuclear weapons.

Jongil: You can’t tell us what to do! We will test nuclear weapons as much as we want to!

Hill: Oh, no you won’t!

Jongil: Oh yes, we will!

Hill: Oh, no you won’t!

Jongil: Oh yes, we will!

Hill: Oh yes, you will!

Jongil: Oh no, we won’t.

Hill: Fine, have it your way! Just sign this agreement that says you won’t develop anymore nuclear weapons and I’ll just go home and give the bad news to President Bush…

Jongil: Ha! (signing document) See, I knew that you would cower away! From here on out we will not develop nuclear weapons…wait-a-minute…

Hill then proceeded to give the communist dictator a huge smooch on the lips and ran away with the signed agreement, leaving a small cloud of dust in his wake accompanied by a woosh-sound.

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