Newark, NJ – Police arrested Moe Howard late last Wednesday after neighbors saw him bopping his younger brother Jerome “Curly” on the head with a hammer. Then Moe’s older brother Samuel “Shemp” Howard objected. Moe viciously stomped on Samuel’s foot. When Samuel bent over to examine the injured foot he was met with Moe’s extended fist, promptly causing a windmill action that resulted in an overhand blow to Samuel’s head.
Witnesses believe that the brothers were attempting to renovate a Victorian Mansion. Even though the brother’s have no contracting license or prior experience, an attractive and rather wealthy woman hired them to build an addition to her house. “I had my doubts of whether or not they were qualified. Then I remembered I had seen them moving pianos a week before. I also seem to remember them in dogcatcher uniforms about a month ago. You really have to be careful about who you hire these days,” exclaimed the woman.
This is not the first time Moe Howard has been met by the police at a job site. In July, Moe was arrested on assault and battery charges stemming from a disagreement with his brother over whether or not catching a rampant lab Gorilla was a wise decision. Moe had taken a broom handle and poked Samuel in the eye with it. Then he grabbed “Shemp” by the ear and led him away sternly.
Moe Howard’s police file is extremely large and nearly all of the charges are assault except for one count of drug possession and another for public sodomizing of his brother with a paintbrush during a art exhibit (accidentally). Charges will likely be dropped because of the significant lack of short-term memory in both of his brothers. Prosecutors can rarely get the Howard brothers to remember back to the incidents, creating a heavy proof-problem. Moe Howard’s arraignment is scheduled for 2:00 PM on Monday.