Washington D.C. – Democrats are furious this week after an FBI probe revealed that Jared Kushner is a member of an ancient monastic organization of evil Force users.
“The conflict of interest in this situation is deeply troubling,” said Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA). “We can have no way of knowing if this Administration has been infected by the ways of the Sith. Or if they are secretly steering US policy.”
It appears that problems with Kushner’s affiliation is not a partisan issue either. A growing number of Republicans are interested in sniffing out Kushner’s ties. “I’m not saying he did anything wrong,” said Senator John Thune (R-SD). “However, I think it’s at least important the American people know if the President has, in fact, been under some kind of Force-driven mind control. We’re all owed that.”
The FBI retrieved a number of suspicious tax documents for Kushner Companies, the real-estate-holding company of which Kushner serves as CEO. The documents show that from 1999-2015, Kushner signed his checks “Darth Sindar”. This has two grave implications. First, with a title like Darth, we can assume that Kushner is not just affiliated with the Sith, but in fact a Sith Lord and master of the Dark Ways. Second, and perhaps more disturbing, since it is the law of the Sith that for every master, there must be a student, one could safely assume that there is another Sith planted in a different branch of the government.
Kushner could not be reached for reply.