Hamster Charged in Brutal Murder

August 15, 2011

A 2-year-old mother Hamster has been charged with filial cannibalism after partial remains her baby’s body was found buried in the woodchips near the water-bottle in August.

Sunshine the Hamster will appear to defend the charges in District Court tomorrow.

Last month the baby’s father, Balthazar the Hamster, pleaded guilty to concealing the digested remains.  Balthazar’s lawyer said he accepted his role, but had no knowledge of anything Sunshine had allegedly done to the child because he too busy spinning on the red wheel and storing seeds as is typical during breeding season.

“She had like eight babies in that litter,” Balthazar said during proceedings.  “I had no idea she ate one of them until it was too late.”

Police believe the baby was born on July 26 – a week before his body was discovered.  They said they found the grave after being tipped off by Bertram, the goldfish on the nightstand, who witnessed the entire crime.

How could a mother kill and eat her own child?  Motives are still being discussed at this time.  Two prominent theories have emerged.  First, that Sunny wanted to weed out her inferior offspring in order to make sure the genes she passed along were strong.  Second, that she was sick of eating HabitTrail Mix and was just in the mood for something different.

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