Market Research

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Intern: Sir, I have these copy proofs for you to go over.

Director of Marketing (glancing quickly): Yes, yes these all look fine…

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September 22, 2014 · 5:17 pm

Street Jokes: Couples Counseling

I know it’s hack to tell “street jokes.”  But sometimes I just really like them and want to share them.  www.reddit.com/r/jokes has a lot of great ones.  I’ll post these from time to time if there are any I really like.  Again, these aren’t mine.  I just read them…

A man and a wife go to a therapist for couples counseling.

When the therapist asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”

The man thought for a moment.  “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish.”

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Baby Resume

Babies are generally helpless, do-nothing, free-loaders, who eat and sleep all day.  Not my kid.  He’s getting a damn job.  And even though he’s not born yet, I’m going to put him to work.  This is the resume I wrote for my baby.

Is anyone hiring?

Baby Resume

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Quotations

Does anyone else think we put way too much stock in quotes from famous people? People use quotes from historical personalities they didn’t even know to steer their lives. When Shakespeare asked, “Shall I compare thee to a Summers day,” he wasn’t talking about your ugly mug.

I don’t like when people use quotes from famous people who have no authority on the subject matter.

“If you do 45 minutes of cardio everyday, then your blood pressure will return to normal levels.” – Johnny Cash

Quotes are like advice you didn’t ask for. “Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.” Gee thanks Euripides! But my wireless router isn’t working. That doesn’t help me right now.

Like you have your life so together, Euripides? You died in exile. I don’t think I should be taking advice from someone who was such a jagoff that the entire country thought, “Can you please leave?”

So there…

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Penn Woods Civic Association

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Good crowd out tonight out at the Penn Woods Civic Association. Great sets from Ray Zawodni and John Evans.

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September 14, 2014 · 2:16 am